A couple months ago, as I looked over at my desk/catch-all for random things, I had the inescapable realization that this clutter I’m surrounding myself with is keeping me from experiencing more joy and abundance. The thought seemed to be out of the blue, but in retrospect I had been dreaming about juggling a haphazard armful of possessions and wishing I had a backpack or car trunk handy for weeks.

Now, tired of waking up and wondering where I had dropped my old rubber gloves or some such garbage, I grabbed an old moving box and set about cleansing my living space with new determination. The idea that each item takes up physical space in my mental closet was my constant companion. Those random condiments and takeout spoons I saved, just in case? Trash. Those 14 shirts I never wear but are keeping me from closing the drawer every time I open it? Donated. I even wheeled my only desk chair out to the community furniture swap area; I still haven’t replaced it, which feels odd, but it was 20 years old and no longer raised to the height I need it to; it bummed me out and had to go. …

My last 20 years dating have been spent in relationships that weren’t quite right for me but never understanding exactly why. I felt like I had connected with another person deeply, only to realize a few years down the road that we didn’t want the same things and couldn’t remember why we had gotten together. After any breakup, I could tell you the reasons we had finally ended it but never what the underlying cause was.

Worse, I put so much energy into making the relationships work, into convincing us both we were what the other wanted, there was nothing left for my own passions and hobbies. I lost my inner fire in needing to belong to someone, to be validated by their love. After ending yet another five-year cohabitation with someone who didn’t seem to know me at all, the cycle began to reveal itself; I had to look inward for answers. …

Those of us working in and around the restaurant industry have long known the system was unfairly biased against the little guys. The line cooks of the world resign themselves to working stressful, grueling days for little pay, often with no health benefits or job security. They are used to being treated as replaceable even as they are asked to execute perfection in dish after dish, table after table, day after day; there is no tolerance for less. They must season every plate of pasta and every piece of fish exactly right; too much salt is unpalatable and too little results in mediocrity. …

Below is a list of books that have changed me for the better, in roughly the order I discovered them. Each is linked to the author’s website if you’d like to learn more, and all are available on Audible. For further explanation on my journey, please see my earlier article Books as a Path to Self-Discovery.

You Are a Badass; How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, by Jen Sincero.

This book started my whole journey into self-discovery books; the yellow cover beckoned me over and drew me in with the realization, “Why, yes — I AM a badass! Thank you for pointing it out!” I related to her sassy-yet-simple way of describing new (to me) concepts that made perfect sense. This one I bought in paperback first, then again as an audiobook so I could listen to a chapter anytime I need to get back to basics. If you have already listened to many titles in the genre, you may not get much out of it. Great for people who have little to no experience manifesting their awesome-ness, want a starter course on aligning with the Universe, and who aren’t afraid of a little well-used profanity. Her book You Are a Badass at Making Money: Master the Mindset of Wealth is also great; it gets way more in depth on the topic and offers extremely helpful steps toward healing your relationship with money. …

Sunshine

Today, I am thankful for the sun that peeked out from behind the post-winter clouds.

There had been a lot weighing on my mind, and I was committed to letting the process of assimilation play out. I believed the acceptance and feeling of my feelings was the only way to reach a meaningful conclusion.

But I needed a push to get outside, and the sun reminded me that my priorities must be readjusted in order to take advantage of a gorgeous day. A brilliant sky in Seattle at the beginning of spring, amidst a pandemic trying to keep us indoors cannot be ignored. …

Books, in all their forms, bring me comfort. There is nothing I enjoy more than the pleasure of holding a book in my hands and reading until my eyes beg for a break (and then a bit longer, to be honest). If this can be done in the sunshine with a glass of wine, even better. If it’s on the couch after a long week because there’s no energy left for the world, great. Even after climbing into bed, a book will help my brain settle stray thoughts, relax, and drift into sleep.

Reading has been a passion since I was a child, and the promise of a good story will suck me in every time. I remember being introduced to the library system with my best friend in elementary school: we ran around grabbing book after book, in duplicate so we could read them together, all the while gasping in shock at the good fortune of being able to take any of these books home! …

Stillness

Our lives are so crazy, even amidst the eye of the storm right now. We are either spending a lot more time at home than usual or we are working even harder if we are part of the tireless, brave workers who must continue to show up during this battle.

Either way, we have taken a turn for the weird and we struggle to adjust. Every time we go outside or turn on the TV, we must confront the fact that the entire world has changed in a matter of weeks.

We are faced with two realities: to fight against it and get angry at all that has happened, or to accept it and move on from that point. …